Friday, March 11, 2011

"News Anchor Barbie?" Puh-leese!!


News Anchor Barbie
I have nothing against Barbie.  Well, come to think of it, maybe I do.  My girls grew up playing with Barbie dolls, but back then she was just an airline attendant or a nurse or just going to the beach with friends.  But now Mattel has gone way too far! The toy giant just unveiled "News Anchor Barbie."  News Anchor Barbie?  Really?  C'mon!  

I have two problems with Barbie's latest career move.  First of all, she can't hold a steady job.  Believe it or not, Barbie just turned 52 years old this month.  Sure she doesn't look a day over 22, no doubt due to constant botox treatments and multiple liposuction procedures, but this is her 125th different career.  If you do the math, that means she held roughly two and a half different jobs a year her entire life.  That's not even long enough on the job to get past your probationary period.  As an employer, would you hire someone who only has the attention span or desire to last five months before walking out on you in search of the new, latest, greatest career?  (Besides, it says right on the box that "News Anchor Barbie" is a "choking hazard.")


My second issue is the broadcasting business already gets a bad wrap as it is.  In the "good old days," broadcasters would present the news and it was generally well-accepted.  Nowadays, those of us in broadcast news are greeted with much skepticism, accusations of bias and a lack of objectivity with every channel change of the remote.  I blame cable news for that.  Fox News tends to present "news" from the right.  MSNBC tends to present "news" from the left.  Their interviewers don't merely ask questions, they make political accusations, they're confrontational and they're more often argumentative than informative.  CNN tries to come down the middle but gets so caught up in its own "commentator showdown game" that it leaves viewers like me in an emotional fog.  


Here's what I mean.  Wolf Blitzer tosses to a reporter in the field who delivers the "facts" on a certain national or international story.  Then almost immediately, Wolf will say something like "Let's turn to the best political team on television."  A panel of 2 to 4 commentators, usually divided along Democratic and Republican political  party lines, then have at it each other in a made-for-TV verbal brouhaha.  No offense Barbie, but we don't need you and your pink power jacket, pink reporters notepad and black and pink pumps to make it even worse for us.  


But it only gets worse for Barbie.  She is having a very, very rough week.  You see, to offset dwindling sales in the United States, Mattel decided two years ago to sink $30 million into a 38,000 square foot, six-story, Barbie luxury concept store in China complete with a full-size hair salon, spa, cocktail bar, cosmetic counter, and a clothing line by Sex and the City designer Patricia Fields.  Unfortunately for her, just eight months after it officially opened, Mattel pulled the plug so Barbie got the boot out of her Shanghai dreamhouse and into a mobile home.  


Ironically enough, a much younger Ken (okay, just two years younger) celebrates his 50th birthday today.  If you remember back to 2004, Barbie announced a very public break-up with Ken soon after Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez did the same.  Ken seemed to fade into the background.  Then he picked up a new voice in former Batman star Michael Keaton last year, and burst back onto the national scene with a breakout performance in the Oscar nominated movie Toy Story 3 when he descended his three-story bachelor penthouse to sweep Barbie off her feet and back into his life.  




That emotionally charged reunion prompted Barbie fans worldside taking part in an online poll this past Valentine's Day to officially proclaim Barbie and Ken a "couple" again.  And so they are.  Here's hoping Barbie can finally enjoy some stability and happiness in her ever-changing life.

Wait, breaking news!  Barbie just announced her 126th career.  "Engineer Barbie!"  Hey Barbie, thanks for already leaving the broadcasting business behind.  And good luck to you.  You'll need it

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