The Miracle of Finding Mel

We had searched for years but simply could not find him. No signs on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, nothing. No obituary. No online mentions. Just nothing. Where was Mel Spencer?

And here we were 40 years later, all together again as college roommates. Well, almost all together. Six of us -Al & Gary Long, Roger Johnson, Mike Toth, my brother Alan and me- traveled from different parts of the country to meet up for a reunion at a beautiful lake house on the shoreline of Lake Coeur d'Alene in North Idaho. There were three notable absences. Rick Jones planned to make the trip but got sick at the last minute and had to stay home. My brother Kerry could not get off work. And then there was Mel. Where was he?

Left to right: Alan, Al, Mike, Roger, me & Gary

I moved into the blue house just south of the BYU campus in January of 1985 and lived there through the summer of 1986. I shared a room with Roger my first semester and Mel the next three. Depending on the comings and goings of others, I was either the youngest or second-youngest of the nine guys living there but soon found myself among good friends. Rick, Gary and Al were from Topeka. Us Holyoak boys grew up in Wichita. Roger was from Maryland, Mike from Wisconsin and Mel from Idaho. Because of the heavy Kansas influence, the blue house was known as Kansas House for a little while before I moved in. Four guys lived upstairs and the other five downstairs, so it was also later called Planet of the Apes and Beneath the Planet of the Apes. Mostly, we just called it the Blue House.

Above is a video Alan put together and showed while we were all together. It's worth noting that we booed when the light blue apartment at the :15 mark popped up on the screen, which is the building the owners built after tearing down the blue house as soon as we all moved out of it.

Of course, we all spent the majority of our time studying and pursuing our individual academic degrees. However, we had fun along the way too, including group dates, Sunday meals of roast, mashed potatoes and gravy (that always seemed to attract different groups of girls), a BYU co-rec ultimate frisbee intramural championship, a runner-up finish in the men's division and a serious run at the men's intramural basketball title. It featured a field of 300+ teams. We made it to the final eight before bowing out in a one-possession game. Together, there was much light-hearted taunting, dogpiles, pranks, watching "church of the round ball" and "church of the oblong ball," four-square battles, movie watching and laugher. Most of all, these guys became my brothers. One of them even, Al, went on a date with my future wife the day before I did. And two others sang at my wedding reception.    

The reunion spawned from a 2024 photo with Rick and Al. What would it be like if we could get the whole entire gang back together again? Alan took that thought and ran with it. He formed a group text thread with everyone on it. Everyone, that is, except Mel. Alan had made contact with Mel's family a number of years earlier and found out Mel was dealing with a condition of some sort that restricted him to a wheelchair, but that was years ago. Unfortunately, Alan's link to Mel went silent and the communication ended.

Anyway, everyone agreed it would be great to get together. We chose the Coeur d'Alene lake house because Mike knew the people who owned it and let us stay there for free. One by one, the six of us trickled into town and there we were living under the same roof again, even though it was just for a handful of days.

We really didn't do anything that big or crazy - no expensive excursions or anything like that. Mostly, we reverted to what we did four decades earlier - just lots of sitting around, laughter, jokes and reminiscing while playing a lot of games. There was no awkwardness. It was like we had been apart for 40 minutes, not 40 years.

Our reunion home base - thanks for hooking us up, Mike

Not a bad view from the back deck

Perhaps the highlight was the first full night when we were together. It was labeled a "Here's what I've been up to the last 40 years" program. With Rick and Kerry on video calls, each of us took five to 15 minutes to let the other guys know what we had been up to since leaving the blue house - careers, travels, church involvement, marriage, kids, grandkids, life experiences and challenges, etc. At the end of each presentation came this query, "Okay, any questions?" Then the other guys could chime in and ask whatever they wanted, make comments and we were all off and laughing again. It was crystal clear that the brotherhood, admiration and respect that we formed back in the mid-1980s, was still alive.

Our planned program started at 6 p.m. local time or 9 p.m. for Rick back on the East Coast. It was still rolling at midnight (his time) when Rick bailed out to go to bed because he had to go to work the next day. It ended on an up note as Kerry started telling stories from back in the day ranging from basketball to blue house pranks. Everyone joined in and the hilarity continued. It was perfect. Or it would have been, if Mel would have been with us or online. Where was he?

The next morning was Friday - our last full day together. Despite a drizzly kind of day, we drove into Coeur d'Alene and the six of us took a mid-to-late-morning stroll around the boardwalk. Then we walked through The Resort, checking menus and trying to figure where to grab lunch. We decided to leave the ritzy restaurants behind, head back outside and walk a block and a half to Paul Bunyan Famous Burgers. Once back at the lake house, it was lots of laid back shooting the breeze and playing games before we capped the evening by watching a movie together.

One thing we did do back in the day at the blue house is watch (a lot of) movies

We had a local take this photo of us and later had some fun with it since it looked like Roger was the lead singer and we his backup singers. Names we came up with included RJ & the Blues Brothers, RJ & the Leftovers, Roger & the Blue Man Group  

After the show, several of us got on our phones or computers and went into an advanced search mode for Mel. We did find a couple of leads earlier in the day. Gary contacted a former church leader where Mel grew up. The man said he would try to track down Mel's brother who then might have information about Mel. Roger had made a key discovery when he found Mel on LinkedIn. That was a breakthrough because there are a bazillion Mel or Melvin Spencers on LinkedIn. What jumped out is Mel has his home base listed as Apex, North Carolina. At last, we had a geographic region to hone in on. 

I found a Facebook group page for our church in Apex. There was an email address so I dropped a line explaining who I was and who we were looking for. Then, because of my church clerk responsibilities, it dawned on me that I could access the churchwide leadership directory. I typed Apex, North Carolina, in the search bar and a list of leadership with names and contact info popped up. And then, BAM, there it was! Daniel Greco's name showed up with his phone number. Not only was Daniel a family favorite when he served as a full-time missionary in Lolo a decade or more ago, but we remained Facebook friends and both he and his brother have been in my fantasy hockey league since then. By now, it was about 2 a.m. at Daniel's house back in North Carolina but I dropped him a text asking if he happened to know anything about Mel. I was hoping we would hear back when he got up the next day.

Al left early Saturday morning for Spokane to catch his flight home. Mike would drive Gary and Roger to the airport so they could fly out later in the afternoon while Alan and I would drive to my place in Montana. About 8:30 my phone beeped with a text notification. It was Daniel: "We've known the Spencers for a long time! Mel has actually been very sick. He has Parkinson's and is not doing well. I can give you his wife's contact info." Her number followed. I read the text to the guys and we gave Myungha, Mel's wife, a call. It rang two times, three times, four times. "Sure hope she picks up the random number," one of the guys said. Then, "Hello?" I told her who I was, that I was one of Mel's old college roommates, that we had been searching for him for years and a number of us were together at that very moment. Then Alan said, "Has Mel ever said anything about the guys in the blue house?" Myungha started to laugh. "Yes, he has told us all about you," she said. 

She went on to tell us that Mel was in poor shape. He had been in a care center for seven months as the disease had taken its toll. Mel was intubated, could not speak and no longer had command of his body or appendages. We asked if there was any way at all that we could talk to him so he could at least hear our voices. Myungha said she was going to be with Mel in two hours and while he may look unresponsive, she clarified that his mind is still sharp and he understands. She said she would call us back once she arrived and was with him. After getting off the phone, we called Rick and Kerry and told them of developments. Each of them said they would make themselves available. And then we waited.

Two hours later, Myungha texted that they were ready. I let her know that Gary was going to Facetime her. Moments later, we saw a cheerful Myungha and the video chat began. After years of looking for him, there was Mel laying on his back in a bed. One by one, we each greeted him, told him how much we missed, how much we appreciated him and gave him brief individual life updates. All the time, Myungha held the phone above him so we could see him and he could see us. Rick and Kerry also called in and they, too, spoke to Mel. 

Toward the end of the call, Kerry jumped in and recited from memory (somehow) a song that he and I and maybe Mike wrote back in the day. Kerry said it went to the tune of Deck of the Halls:  

Who's the one we all love?
Mel ma Mel ma Mel, ma Mel, Mel, Mel.
Who's so tall he stands above us?
Mel ma Mel ma Mel, ma Mel, Mel, Mel.
Out of college, he'll make much moolah.
Mel ma Mel ma Mel, ma Mel, Mel, Mel.
Boolah, Boolah, Boolah, Boolah.
Mel ma Mel ma Mel, ma Mel, Mel, Mel!

At that moment, you could see a hint of a smile. No, it was more than a hint. "You guys made Mel Smile!!" Myungha later texted me. We each said our final goodbyes, expressed our love to Mel and wished him and Myungha the very best. And just like that, the call was over.

We added Myungha to the blue house text group and we continued to communicate. It was touching to see her message to us all:

"I wanted to say thank you so much for the very special FaceTime with Mel and all you Blue House Gang guys! 😀 Mel was so touched to see each of you, I had to wipe away his tears of gladness. I’m so glad I finally got to meet you all. We knew about you guys already even though you didn’t meet us in person. Mel shared many memories with the girls and I. I thought you would all like to know the story of what’s happened to Mel. Please share this story with others in your group who are wondering about him. Mel was diagnosed with Parkinson’s in the winter of 2017. We were so shocked because he seemed so healthy, active and worked so hard at work, church and home. No one including him believed that he had PD. It progressed slowly for the first 3 years and then the symptoms became more obvious over the next few years. He got Covid in September of 2024 and hasn’t recovered since. That has led him to have lung problems. The surgery didn’t help him. Now he has a tracheostomy, ventilator and feeding tube. The doctors said he is not going to recover from it. None of us knows when the Lord will bring him Home. Mel is in good spirits generally. He has been faithful and served the Lord for all his life. He is finally coming back home next Tuesday. He hasn’t been home for over 7 months! We are looking forward to it. Thanks again, it was really wonderful to see all of you and hope you enjoy your get-together!"

So after years of searching, everything came together and did so in a mere matter of hours. Our reunion was so great but capping it off by not only being together to find Mel but having the opportunity to express tender thoughts and feelings to and for him was indeed a miracle. God bless you Mel and Myungha! Here's to the miracle of finding Mel!

(Mel passed away on May 31, 2025, two weeks to the day after we communicated with him. RIP Mel. 💔)

Back row: Roger, Kerry & Alan
Middle row: Me, Al & Mike
Front row: Mel, Randy Woodworth & Rick (1985)